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[30 Jan 2007|12:29am] |
If you're online, tune in to the radio show!
Monday midnight - 2am EASTERN!
www.wiux.org
Love.
Jill and Aura.
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| Nowwww... |
[19 Sep 2006|09:40pm] |
TUESDAY!
10pm - 12am EASTERN
www.wiux.org
OR 100.3 FM in Bloomington.
Listen to us because we're cute.
Phone: 812-855-WIUX
AIM: WIUXRequest
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| Weird! |
[25 Aug 2006|12:09am] |
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Be Still My Heart - The Postal Service. |
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I hear legal booze calling my name...
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| Two days... |
[14 Aug 2006|12:49am] |
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excited |
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music |
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A - Cartel. |
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Let's rock this bitch.
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[17 Jul 2006|12:17am] |
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Grease is the word.
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[02 Jun 2006|02:37pm] |
The best boys are always a world away.
One more day of being with one of the best.
Goodness.
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| Okay...well...this is worthy of public news... |
[23 May 2006|01:38am] |
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It's alllll in my head.... |
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I have been cast as Sandy in GREASE.
I'm freaking out. I want to cry and puke and laugh...all at once.
I would like to thank IU Professor George Pinney. If it wasn't for that man, I might still be nervous and unsure at auditions. But because of his valuable lessons, I learned a lot...and I think I was not only cast as Sandy because I can (I guess?) sing and I look like "Sandy," but because I played my cards right.
I went to this audition hoping for a part in the ensemble...and I came out with the lead. I haven't been a musical lead since 8th grade. Wow.
This is the role I have wanted my whole life. My mom taped Grease for me when I was in 3rd grade and I watched it EVERY DAY after school. So if this is one of my major goals...I've gotten it...and I'm only twenty.
My 21st birthday will be spent on stage. But that's perfect for me anyway. What do I care about booze.
And just so you know...The Star Plaza holds something like 3,000 people. Ted Nugent and Alice Cooper (hah!) are playing there in July. This is a regional theatre that has very famous acts come...
Okay. This is a happy sign off from "the states."
See you, Indiana. I'm off for a bit. ;)
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| The entry to end all entries. With traditional dramatic fanfare by yours truly... |
[10 May 2006|10:06pm] |
Three days after September 11, 2001, I started this journal. For the last five years, I have consistently written a very accurate account of my day-to-day life. It's something I really enjoy doing, not only for myself but for others as well. As I have lived my life (and have I lived it!), you've read about my heartbreaks, inner thoughts, extensive travels, and how my weekend went.
I've always been an entertainer. I used to put on musicals with my cousins when I was nine or ten, with me, leotard-clad and carrying a cane, leading the way. I got bit by the acting bug at eleven, and that has been my ultimate goal ever since. I love being on stage--whether it is a stage in the conventional sense, or just being the center of attention with a group of friends, or even right here, in this journal.
So, why have I put my life out for all to see on the internet? For one, I like to remember my life and see what I was going through at certain times. But why make it PUBLIC? I guess originally, journals were supposed to be private and full of secrets. Well, guess what? I don't have secrets. I am the least secretive person on the planet. Ask and I will tell without any reservation. I also write to keep in touch with my friends who pepper the globe. How else would people who I love and who love me in other countries know what I am up to? Email just isn't enough and is too in-your-face. If someone wants to know what's up, they know where to look. No one wants a five page email on the weekend of Jill.
Over five years, my journal has boasted some two hundred plus readers. Probably a lot more. Maybe it's because I've lived overseas, and that itself is intriguing. Maybe it's because I'm pretty. I don't really know the reason, but to me it doesn't matter. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing my daily column to the world.
But this was bound to happen eventually. With popularity comes a certain notoriety, and with that comes trouble. I regret to inform you that I will no longer be able to write publicly, and it's for reasons that are completely beyond my control.
As I'm signing off, I will say this: I am not at all ashamed of my actions or the person I have become. I am a very normal, almost 21-year-old WOMAN. Sometimes I make mistakes and bad decisions, but those are MY mistakes and MY decisions. They do not reflect anyone's character but my own.
And so, ladies and gentlemen of the internet-jury, what am I guilty of? As I said, only I can take the blame for my words and actions. Am I guilty of breaking laws? Well, sure. But what college student isn't? Any law-breaking on my part has been ridiculously petty and victimless. Am I guilty of offending God? My god isn't the Christian god, nor is it a deity in any sense at all, so the answer to that is no. If I offended yours, I don't give a damn anyway, right? Right.
Nevertheless, this is the end of my public writing. Without pointing a finger (perhaps at multiple sources), I will say that any adult poking around on the internet for dirt on a 20-year-old, very independent college student to use against another person is a fucking idiot. But at the same time, I have to let that fucking idiot win. I'm in no position to fight for my journal now like I have so many times before.
I am in the painstaking process of going through FIVE YEARS worth of entries and locking them from the public eye. (I ruled out deleting this whole thing. It's too dear to me and too many memories would disappear.) I will continue to write privately for my friends. If you wish, you can ask me to add you to my friends list so you can continue reading, but only ask if you really are that interested, and don't be offended if I don't put you on the list. To my friends without LiveJournals: you can either forget about this site, or create a journal for the sole purpose of reading the journals of others. That's up to you.
I am allowing ALL comments -- anonymous and otherwise -- on this entry. I want to hear what you all have to say.
Thank you for reading and caring. I have enjoyed writing for me - and you - for all these years.
Love,
Jill.
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| Bloomington, except not. |
[04 Jan 2006|11:51pm] |
I'm back in Bloomington, but I'm pretty much not leaving my house until Sunday. All day long, we have recruitment stuff, whether it's setting up or actually talking to girls. I've been dancing my ass off (I'm totally a thug about it. It's hilarious) and I'm getting quite a workout running up and down stairs all day. Aw yeah!
There's really not much for me to say besides that I can't wait to see you guys when school starts! Life is going to be super hechtic starting Sunday, but it'll be fun too.
Unfortunately, I have to go to bed now because guess who gets to wake up at 7am and start all over. ME.
Haha. Loves you.
PS. As an actress, I should have been cast as Paris Hilton rather than a dancer. I could do her justice.
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| Yay! |
[02 Jan 2006|11:25pm] |
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high |
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music |
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Talking. |
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These are my fantastic Christmas pictures!
This is Ian at his Christmas pageant!
( Christmas vacation. )
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| Just some random bullet points because I'm bored. |
[01 Jan 2006|06:47pm] |
+ This coming week is recruitment. Basically, I'll spend it talking up a storm and sitting around meticulously doing my makeup with my sisters. Why? Because it's what we do. I'd be lying if I said I was totally dreading it.
+ The first week of school will be absolutely nuts and wonderfully fun. We have parties to attend every night. I plan on living it up. Single Jill is a hurricane. And I mean that in a good way.
+ My perfect night would be going out for sushi, having an OC marathon, drinking three glasses of red wine, and then having sex. All this would be with...a boyfriend. (Yes, recently I've denounced relationships and spat at love, but honestly, it would be nice to fall in love again. Without getting hurt. Fat chance.)
+ Each year I get one phone call from a friend to say "Happy New Year." Last year, it was Kyle, and this year, it was Aura who called. I knew she'd call me.
+ I cannot wait to go to Singapore in May. I think even after my dad moves, I'll have to go back from time to time. You can't help but fall in love with it. It's in my blood now. I was so pissed off about moving there when it happened, but I think it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
+ I am now addicted to Coke. Not Pepsi, and certainly not Diet. Coke...cigarettes...The OC...acting...I guess I just get addicted to things. Whatever.
+ Dave's friends came over for New Years yesterday, along with their 7-year-old son (who is in love with me) and their hyperactive dog. It's 6:30pm and they're still here. How annoying.
+ I have packing and cleaning to do and no will to do it.
+ Balls.
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| Thanks to Cass for the idea. :) |
[31 Dec 2005|07:17pm] |
School. I've never really had a hard time with school, and this year wasn't an exception. Coming from a world-renowned private international school, college has been extremely kind to me. (Plus I probably chose two of the easiest majors ever.) I got two B's, both in completely useless classes, but I generally kicked ass. It's always the easiest part of my life.
Career. I don't exactly have one yet. However, I did do Closer, wrote my first script, and began mapping out my directorial debut. As for criminal justice, I did have a job with the Lake County government...of course, it was only with the animals of Lake County, but important nontheless. Who did you call if you lost your cat or if your neighbors dogs bark too loud? ME.
Friends. This is what this year has been all about. Chris and I hit it off in the beginning of the year, making him one of my best friends in history, AND introducing me to my wonderful group of friends. I joined Phi Mu, and even though it's a pain in the ass, I have made some good friends. (Sara, Heather, and Tali, to name a few.) Aura and I had a blast, and I want to have fun with her more frequently next year. I got to travel back to Singapore and California, seeing numerous people that I love. Jessica visited me in October. I don't know what I would do without you guys.
Health. Uhh...fine. Allergies a bit of a problem...my eyes were a bit of a problem, and besides my hacking cough, I'm pretty healthy. I would love to work out more. (New Years resolution: ten pounds gone.)
Boys. I rang in the year with falling in love, and honestly, it couldn't have been a more perfect feeling. Until summer, the only boy for me was Dan. Things happened. In September, I crossed paths with Justin and Erin, and that was great while it lasted. Now? Single. Suckers. I dig it. For now.
Sex. Best sex ever this year. From my first orgasm from intercourse (I know, I know, T.M.I), to threesomes...Ahhh, yes. Sex. I probably think about sex way more than any lady should. ;)
Money. I made my first grand this summer. I spent half of it by December. Oh well. I have everything I want and I can buy anything I want too. Today I deposited my Christmas money. I'm starting the New Year with nearly $1,000. And I have no bills to pay because I am a spoiled little shit.
Overall. If anything, I definitely lived this year. From the most fun I've had with friends ever (shit, MATCHING TATTOOS?), to amazing sex, to marijuana and booze...I have lived it up. However, it wasn't easy. I cried more than ever and had the worst heartbreak imaginable for a hard ass like me. I hope 2006 is just has fun...but without the shit.
Now...I am going to get drunk. Alone. Happy New Year.
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| My buttons were pushed too hard today... |
[31 Dec 2005|01:07am] |
I am totally pissed off. I don't know WHY, but here's a clue.
If my mom and her teenager boyfriend had woken up at a reasonable hour this morning (say, 9:30 instead of 11:30) we could have been back here mid-afternoon. Instead, we had a six hour drive instead of a four hour one (rush hour sure is a bitch). THEN, if buying beer wasn't so fucking important, we could have picked our dogs up by 6pm tonight instead of having to do it tomorrow morning. If we already had the dogs here, I wouldn't have to babysit tomorrow morning, thus allowing me to go to Oil Express and bid farewell to my oil tech friends before I leave.
ASSHOLES.
I am so fucking tired of everything. I hate it here. I haven't done anything except be around my family and they drive me nuts. Mom is selfish as fuck and doesn't give a damn about anything except her boyfriend. All Dave cares about is fucking football and himself. Ben hates me and tells me to shut up every time I speak. The only one who doesn't bother me is Ian. And he's five.
I'm not going on this family vacation thing next year. Five days at a ski lodge is way fucking too long. All I did was drink and sit around, and when all you have is your mom, it gets OLD.
I've been in a tantrum-throwing mood all day. I've cried and yelled and pretty much had to do everything in my power not to scream. Maybe all this shit sounds petty, but it's been building up for days.
I WANT TO LEAVE. NOW. NOT MONDAY.
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| Feliz Navidad! |
[25 Dec 2005|08:06pm] |
I'll be honest. I'm really not a fan of Christmas. It's a nice holiday to get together with family and stuff like that, but I can't take more than a few hours of Christmasness. And honestly, when I think about it, I'm kind of an asshole to celebrate it anyway because I'm not a Christian.
Buddha loves me.
I got Paris Hilton perfume (with free gifts of a Tinkerbell doll and an awesome purse), clothes, both seasons of The OC, some DVDs, lottery tickets, a huge basket of "college stuff," diamond earrings, a white gold necklace, and lots of money. And I think I gave everyone cool stuff too. :)
Yesterday I went to work with mom and we brought the boys a million White Castles. I went down to the basement and sat around with the techs because they weren't busy. I kissed Tommy on the cheek and he did it back.
Bobby hasn't called me at all. I'm kind of pissed about it.
My grandpa is doing a lot better. They took all his millions of tubes out and they say he can leave the hospital Thursday, hopefully.
I have drank so much red wine in the past two days. I have a healthy glow, for sure.
Tomorrow we are leaving to go snowboarding for the week. I shall be back Friday, but until then I will be in Devil's Head, Wisconsin. Perks: Getting out of Dyer, hot tubs, snowboarding lessons, and that great law that permits minors to drink in bars if their parents are present. Downfalls: No friends, possible insane amount of boredom.
All I want to do is watch the fucking OC and DAVE has to watch football. Gay.
Merry Christmas, everyone. I love you.
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[23 Dec 2005|11:51pm] |
Things have been pretty morbid around here. My grandpa's in the hospital. He had knee surgery because he shattered his kneecap, but he's also having heart trouble. His blood pressure is way low and his kidneys are failing. It's not good, but the doctor told us he thinks we can get through it. He definitely won't be home for Christmas, though. :\ Suck.
My grandma has been throwing money at me. I know I should put it in the bank. But I had to buy Mean Girls and The Simple Life Season Two. And a jump rope! It's weird that I can make more money from my grandma giving it to me in a few days than working anywhere in two weeks. I'm a piece of shit.
Being single has amplified my crush on Tommy. That's not a good thing. Mom does not approve, and I wouldn't want to do anything to get him fired, you know? I should just...get out of here and stop pushing limits.
So that's all I've been doing. Shopping and going to the hospital.
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| Batting eyes and places oceans away... |
[20 Dec 2005|12:02am] |
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You want to know how I feel today? Fan-fucking-tastic, that's how.
Tommy, the adorable mechanic who OD'd and almost died last week, was back at work. I am a terrible flirt of a girl. I told him he's not allowed to die again unless he kisses me first. He got terribly excited by that, which only made me push more buttons.
I think men seriously underestimate the power of a woman. The truth is, while we like to make you think you're in charge, we are. Maybe it is sick and wrong, but I get the biggest rush when I know I've got someone right where I want them. This doesn't mean I'm "manipulative" or "bitchy," now. It just means that I have been able to craft my ways into getting what (who) I want. Of course, it isn't fool-proof, but I win doing these things far more than I win the lottery.
I curb all of these things very well when I'm in a relationship, though. (Which is almost all of the time.) Being single gives you the chance to be selfish. I think it makes me feel empowered. (That's right, ladies, show them what you got. You DON'T need a man.) And yeah, while I am now feeling the "single rush," I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be wanting a steady thing again. I enjoy stability. I enjoy comfort.
I am now reading Memoirs of A Geisha. SO GOOD.
I am going to call Kristen tomorrow and we will have some much-needed girl time. I couldn't be more thrilled about that. :)
I'm craving Singapore terribly. I can't help it. I want the hot, sticky heat, the fattening food, the strange stares, the gross smells, the wonderfully flowing alcohol, and most of all, the culture shock. I guess in a way flirting and travelling give me a similar rush. And strangely, I think I like the dirty foreign places better than the clean, neat city. I love being out of my element like that.
I want boys. Boys and Singapore. That's the message here.
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| Booze > Anything. |
[18 Dec 2005|11:34pm] |
My brother Ben is home. We've been getting along, which is still a relatively new thing. (We used to beat the shit out of each other. But now I don't attempt that because he's 6'2 and plays rugby. ASS.)
I am now planning on going to Wisconsin with my mom, her boyfriend, and my brothers for my Christmas vacation. I think I shall take snowboarding lessons. I rocked at surfing and so I might as well give myself a chance to rock at something else.
I'm sad that I won't be going to Canada, but I'm pretty sure it's for the best. I'll miss The Pettit Project, and I know Erin and Justin will have a wonderful time with them.
I know it's LiveJournal, but I don't see how anyone can be upset with the truth. As of tonight, I am once again single. I'm sad that I've jeopardized my company, and yet I'm sure I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes things just don't work out. I'm actually proud of myself for taking matters into my own hands. Justin is a wonderful boy, and Erin is amazing as well. I hope to keep them both as close friends.
School is going to be insane when I get back. This I know already. First off, it's four days of recruitment, followed by the drunken mess/business of Bid Week. Not to mention IU Sing will be going into full swing. Aiyah, I'll have no time until the middle of February. Such is the life of a busy and ambitious girl. Still, I am planning to have a wonderful time hanging out with everyone. And maybe Aura and I will get away for a weekend in Louisville. I mean, you never know, right?
Speaking of Aura, I would just like to state how much I absolutely love her. We've gotten closer this semester and I couldn't be happier about it. She's the best person to call whenever you need to talk to someone and she's a blast to hang out with. Since we have Stagecraft together this coming semester, I'll probably just spend some nights in her room with her instead of trekking back to North Jordan. I look forward to it. And we might possibly venture to Florida or California for Spring Break. The sky is the fucking limit.
Random drunk things coming out of my ass:
1. I no longer hate my boobs because of the Bra Sale.
2. Talking to Ben makes me miss Singapore an intolerable amount.
3. I've read Pamela Anderson's book in a day.
4. I really want to have an orgasm right now, but I can't because everyone's awake and shit like that.
5. The US Postal Service is an asshole for losing my iPod.
6. My sushi craving is getting entirely out of hand.
7. I use big words when I'm drunk.
Love to everyone!
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| Oh December...Oh 2005... |
[18 Dec 2005|12:19am] |
Ian's Christmas pageant was last night. They were so adorable. His class did "Carwash" and "I'm Gettin' Nothin' For Christmas." His voice was the loudest of all. At home he said to me, "I want to go to back to the stage. I can stay forever and it can be my home." Gee, I wonder who he inherited that from.
My mom is at the airport waiting for Ben to arrive from Singapura. Drunken nights with my alcoholic psycho brother are ahead.
But for now, I'm drunk alone. Glorious.
There is nothing like spending an extended period of time at home to clear my head. I get smarter and realize more things when I'm here. I guess at school I'm too busy to think about what's best for me.
There's this beautiful song on one of my radio CD's. I don't know who plays it, but it made me think about relationships. I've been an asshole about love this semester, haven't I? I said it was "retarded" time and time again. Well, it's not. I remember my frame of mind this time last year. It was so beautiful. It's gone now, but I think I need to give myself a chance for it to come back again. You never know. That love was right at the time...another love might be right in the future.
Okay, enough. Bitches and beer. YEAH.
I should drink some more beer. Then maybe I'll talk out of my ass some more.
I can't get ahold of Erin and Justin for the life of me. What the fuck? I've been trying to call. Why don't they call me back? That's pretty gay. WHATEVER.
Shut up shut up shut up.
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[14 Dec 2005|12:56am] |
Last night, one of my mom's employee's overdosed. His name is Tommy, and I've talked about him a few times in here before. He's about my age, and he likes me. He always asks my mom if he can take me out to the movies and stuff, but she says no because he's her employee and it would make things more complicated.
Anyway, we get to Oil Express today (the one in Highland), only to find out that Tommy's in the hospital in a coma. My mom panics (he's her favorite, and she's his "second mom") and calls the hospital. He was awake by then. Apparently, he was at a party where he did about a half dozen drugs (heroin and Xanax were on the list given to me by another OE mechanic) and when he got home, his heart stopped. His dad had to do CPR.
Just listening to my mom talk to him, calling him "honey" and "babe" and listening to everything that happened to him last night and today really affected me. I lost it. He wanted to talk to me, so I got on the phone, CRYING, and he told me how retarded he was and that he's really glad that I cared.
He's just the NICEST guy. People are so fucked up, you know? He's a great worker and totally friendly...Everytime I go to that store he sits in the office with me and talks to me about all sorts of things. It's so sad how people can get involved with the wrong crowd and totally spiral out of control.
He's still in intensive care because his heart rate is so low. I'm sure they'll keep him for a few days. I hope someone makes him go to rehab.
This was all so incredibly foreign to me. I've never seen anything but pot. (Yes, I love pot.) That's the only thing I would ever touch. Everything else...scares the shit out of me. I think if I saw cocaine at a party, I'd leave. It just makes me really uncomfortable. Maybe that's naive, but I don't care. This is the first friend of mine that has overdosed like that and it freaked me out. I'm grateful that I didn't grow up around any of that shit, and that somehow, despite my lack of faith in God or my parents' values, I have my own and I stand strong by them.
If my mom goes to the hospital tomorrow or the next day, I'll go with her. He's such a good kid. As of now it doesn't look like he's going to be fired. My mom won't do it and I doubt the manager will. As long as my uncle doesn't find out. Anyway, please keep him in your thoughts, since he's not totally out of the woods yet. <3
I love you all. Don't do drugs.
PS. All this drug talk sparked a lot of conversation between me and my mom. I told her I smoke pot. She wasn't angry or really upset about it. I think it's great that I can be so open with my mom about these things (also with sex, alcohol, etc.) just in case something were to happen. My mom's the greatest.
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jillemo's journal